Peter Schmidt awoke from a troubled sleep to find that he had grown a tiny pair of ears on his feet. How bizarre, he thought to himself as he got out of his bed, completely unimpeded by the ears. The only negative that was immediately obvious to him was that he could hear his footsteps a bit more loudly than he was used to. Peter decided that it was best to just carry on with his usual routine, and so he started getting dressed.
He put on every single item of clothing without a single problem. Then, when he tried to put on his shoes, he stumbled against a brick wall. His favourite pair of shoes – a lovely pair of brown leather ones he picked up at a flea market in Hamburg – could no longer fit around his feet. He proceeded to work his way through all his other pairs of shoes and was shocked to realise that he could not comfortably wear any of them.
What an inconvenience!, he bemoaned internally.
He would have to settle for just wearing socks.
He left his room and headed in the direction of the kitchen to make breakfast. From within the kitchen he could hear clattering noises. His roommate must have got up uncharacteristically early. Upon crossing the threshold something hard and round whacked him in the face. An apple!
“Why did you throw that at me?” Peter asked his roommate. “Was it out of hatred and disgust at my strange new disfigurement?”
“Sorry old boy. I was just juggling apples and one of them got away from me,” he explained. “What disfigurement are you talking about?”
“In the night, whilst I was wholly unconscious, a small and fully formed pair of ears grew on my feet”
“How peculiar,” the roommate replied.
He thinks me peculiar! I shall have to take drastic measures to ensure my complete concealment! I must lock myself away in isolation where I can’t be inconvenience to the eyes of those who can still consider themselves human! I am no longer human. I’m human-like, but one step removed from God’s vision and therefore not fit for the eyes of any poor soul who should happen across my path.
“Oh!” Peter cried aloud. “I shall have to take drastic measures to ensure my complete concealment! I must lock myself away in isolation where I can’t be inconvenience in the eyes of those who can still consider themselves human! I am no longer human. I’m human-like, but one step removed from God’s vision and therefore not fit for the eyes of any poor soul who should happen across my path.”
“My friend, please calm yourself,” began the roommate in a voice of complacency and rationale. “We can simply take you to the doctor and I’m sure that he will have a solution to this problem. Perhaps some kind of surgery or a concoction of chemicals can be used to cure your ailment.”
“A doctor! Of course! But are you sure that he can fix such a strange and terrible affliction?”
“Yeah. Probably.”
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Contributed by Jack Clare
Highbrow Parrot 